When It Was Me and You
by Jammy8694
Summary: Jiraiya's walking home from a one night stand and can't help himself over remembering his greatest childhood memory, when he first and truly fell in love with his only true love and friend: his biggest enemy Orochimaru. And how he broke his heart doing it
1. Love makes the time pass

**Hello!  
So I was sitting down and being random when I thought, "Hmmm, what if Jiraiya and Orochimaru got together?" and so I thought about it for a while.  
I realized that well if they got together someone had to have gotten heartbroken, I mean really? They hate each other's guts so why not spice everything up and make them hate each other in a personal level. Why not have them fall madly in love with each other, like normal people do, and why not show why they can't stand each other now.  
If all's fair in love and war then this is a bloody battlefield...  
Enjoy!  
Sorry it's short it's the first chapter;P  
_xoxo  
Jammy8694_**

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Love makes the time pass. Time makes the love pass.  
-Euripides **_

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Jiraiya had awoken from his sleep unrested.

As the grown man tossed from his side to his front, he felt the empty spot inside his chest pang in pain. He sat up right and placed his hand on his heart and found it hard for him to breath for a while, but he was used to it, it this always happened after he had a one night stand or after a short fling with a girl. He was thinking of him.

He was thinking about them…before everything unraveled to this.

Jiraiya sighed as he got up of the musty hotel bed and turned to see the beautiful blonde bombshell of last night naked and asleep, took his stuff, changed, and left. It was harsh of him to leave the young girl like that, but she would soon forget him. They had nothing. Just one night, which to Jiraiya wasn't all that extraordinary, so time would make her heart heal…if it was bruised at all, which he doubted.

He knew how to leave someone. One shouldn't ever have any form of mutual feeling that corresponds with the emotion love. Otherwise, when that special someone left you, it hurt and that once so powerful emotion of love would change into other things like hate and rage, and most importantly, betrayal. This all inevitably ended up turning into another feeling:

Vengeance.

Yes, Jiraiya thought, as he reminded the stupid empty spot in his heart that was killing him, that eventually lead to vengeance. So Jiraiya told himself, as he casually left the hotel and trekked back to the Leaf Village as dawn was breaking, he wouldn't think about those feelings again. But he couldn't help it.

All through his early morning journey his memories began to take control of him again. He felt himself see the true face of the one person he foolishly fell in love with years ago. He couldn't remember the people they were right now, the people who had to hate each other and felt threatened against each other, he just remembered the people they were. The innocent people they were together.

As the worn out simple brown bracelet's single bead banged lightly against the palm of his left hand, he saw himself fall back into his memories. He saw him back, the age of seventeen, getting ready for that one mission that would change his life forever. That mission that he had first begun to fall madly in love with his closed and brilliant teammate, Orochimaru.

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**So I hope you enjoyed it! (Pointing at YOU on the screen!)  
So now you know what to do!  
Click the damn button and go review!  
REVIEW!  
Sooner you do the faster I'll update:)))  
_xoxo  
Jammy8694_**

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_Love makes the time pass. Time makes the love pass._


	2. Sacred Touch

**Hello fanificers!  
Ok, a few of you messaged me and asked when is this story going to be set, and I said that it is set right before Sasuke leaves the Hidden Leaf Village...ok:)  
Glad that's cleared up:))))  
Hope you like this chapter!  
_xoxo  
Jammy8694_**

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Loves greates gift is its ability to make everything it touches sacred

_**-Barbara De Angels**_

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Thirty-Three years ago…

Jiraiya stood lazily on the side of the wall as he waited for the details of his next mission. The young toad ninja felt slightly lonesome as he remembered the fact that he had been doing countless numbers of solo missions in the last few weeks and had missed the annoying company of his ridiculous team mates. He missed Tsunade's horrible temper and how she would constantly beat him when he would slip up or say something about her. He missed Sarutobi's constant reminders and pleas for him to stay away from the girl's changing rooms. He missed the family feel he would get around his team…Sarutobi as the father figure, Tsunade as the bratty sister…

But he didn't miss Orochimaru, who, in the event of the family feel would probably be the favorite son.

Jiraiya grunted in approval of his thoughts. He didn't miss Orochimaru. If anything he enjoyed his time without the stupid know it all. He hadn't thought about him once and he had only just realized it. He actually hated the bastard.

Why?

Orochimaru was perfect. He was the most perfect at being a student, at being a scholar, at being a fricken' ninja. He was just perfect. He was also a perfect pain in the ass and a perfect dick head and a perfect show off. It was his way or…no, there was just his way.

Jiraiya felt annoyed just thinking about it. He was so annoyed that the thought of being alone in a solo mission now comforted him rather than upset him. He needed to relax.

So as the toad ninja relaxed a little whilst he waited his next mission. His thoughts suddenly disturbed as he saw his sensei walking up to him and he presented himself accordingly, placing a large smile on his face, and knowing that Sarutobi could see the gratitude that was being handed to him. He smiled back to his student.

Times had been tough.

"Sarutobi sensei," Jiraiya greeted politely, "I haven't seen you around in ages sir."

"Likewise Jiraiya," Sarutobi answered, "Times are tough now days. I must say it has been different without you."

Jiraiya smirked, "You're not saying you missed me sir," he started of slyly, "are you?"

Sarutobi smiled, "I have grown fond of your meddling over the years," he said, "I even heard Tsunade in the hospital mention that she missed you."

"Tsunade's in the hospital?" the toad ninja asked. Sarutobi nodded.

"Oh yes," he answered, "But that's part of her missions. She's opting on becoming a fully registered medical ninja. She's very good at fixing people up."

Jiraiya found that ironic coming from the girl who had broken both of his arms…twice. He frowned, "Tsunade missed me?" he repeated, "The world really must be coming to an end."

Sarutobi just chuckled, "You are allowed to miss your team mates Jiraiya; you're only human."

"Yeah well," Jiraiya answered, "Human or not it's still a surprise coming from Tsunade."

Sarutobi just shook his head, "Are you waiting for your next mission." He asked the toad ninja. Jiraiya nodded to his sensei.

"Well," Sarutobi answered, "I was just about to go and find two available ninja for this next mission up in Kusagakure. It's just a simple B ranked retrieval mission, but we need to make sure that we get the item in question back to the village. After this you and your team mates are allowed a break; I've requested one for you all."

Simple enough for the toad ninja who had just come back from a one man slaughter fest. His missions where getting excoriatingly difficult and he could use an easy retrieval mission to do. Besides, misery loves company, and he had missed company in any form. Jiraiya nodded in approval and followed his sensei to his sensei's Hokage office for debriefing.

Sarutobi's brightly lit office overwhelmed the toad ninja with warmth. It was tastefully decorated from gifts and trinkets given to his sensei by countless of visitors from the other lands. Every time Jiraiya walked in he gave himself a silent nod of approval of how lovely it would be to watch over the people of the village in the comfort of this office.

The boy stood to attention as he waited for the confirmation of his partner for his next mission. Sarutobi watched him comfortably before taking a list of the now available ninja and reading it through. The Hokage stopped midway and smiled.

"I've found your partner," he told him, "it's Orochimaru; he's just become available. At least you will be with someone from your own team."

Jiraiya frowned. He didn't want to be in a mission with that stupid snake. Anyone but him.

"Sir," he said attempting to remain calm, "can you please pick someone else. Anyone else. I don't want to do this mission with Orochimaru."

Sarutobi sighed, "Now Jiraiya be sensible." He told the boy, "You and Orochimaru have been both working in some very difficult A ranked to almost S ranked missions. It'll be good if you two could calmly do this one."

"No," Jiraiya disagreed, "it would be a catastrophe! It would be bad enough if we were stuck together in the cold in an ass kicking A ranked mission, but stuck together in the cold in a less than satisfactory B ranked retrieval mission? That' not worth it."

Sarutobi sighed, "Jiraiya, you've been together in the same team for eleven years, when is this senseless rivalry going to end?"

"It's not rivalry sir!" the boy denied, "He's just a no-good-for-nothing little know it all asshole with not an ounce of respect in his body!"

"That's enough!" Sarutobi said his voice slightly raised. Jiraiya fell silent. He stood back to attention and nodded his head.

"You will leave today at noon." The Hokage said, "That gives you four hours to supply and pack. I'll give your mission details to Orochimaru when I see him. The item in question will be delivered in two days. It'll only take you half a day to get there. Like I said, simple and easy."

Jiraiya just nodded knowing that all attempts for him to deny this mission were finished. Without another word, the toad ninja nodded and left the Hokage at peace. Sarutobi sighed.

"How can two people who have saved each other's lives countless of times," he began to himself, "and who have known each other for the majority of their lives, know nothing about the other? This senseless rivalry, it ruins the best of people, and it strengthens the worst in them."

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Jiraiya came to the great gate and frowned when he saw his serpentine team mate standing there waiting and ready before him. The toad ninja sighed. It was going to be a long two days.

There he was, Orochimaru, waiting lazily for him so they could get this stupid mission over with. Jiraiya just glared at him, pure unexplainable annoyance surging through him, and said nothing. Orochimaru returned the glare. They both began walking, in complete silence, for the next six hours.

They both had silently agreed on one thing. No breaks until they were at Kusagakure and at the spot they had to be for the retrieval. So by the time they arrived, it had been the early hours of the morning, but the moon still shone brightly in the cold winter night.

The forest hideout that they were now camping in was covered in beautiful glistening snow. They were right by a frozen lake which looked like a common watering hole for the now dormant wildlife and were peacefully surrounded by sleeping trees white from the snow.

But he had to be in this beautiful place with Orochimaru, which turned the setting's natural beauty in to something even more annoying.

They had set up camp without a word. Jiraiya built and started a fire, whilst Orochimaru made them both a simple dinner. Neither said a word to each other. Neither had said a word since they left. And neither did as they finished eating and went into their tent and slept. It was as if they were both a lone…unable to see the other person sitting next to them.

And it continued that way in the morning. Jiraiya awoke to find Orochimaru training close to the lake and he left him to himself and relaxed a bit for a while by the still warming fire. And it remained the same for the majority of the day.

Until Jiraiya was bored.

So he decided to entertain himself by indulging in one of his favorite past times: writing. The toad ninja had been working on something in his scarce spare time and enjoyed absorbing himself in to it. So he began to continue in his tattered and worn out exercise book.

Seeing the toad ninja suddenly act so focused on the old book suddenly interested Orochimaru. The snake ninja stretched and walked over to him where he sat on the opposite side of the fire and watched his team mate write calmly into the book. He frowned.

"What are you doing Jiraiya?"

Jiraiya looked at Orochimaru in a slightly surprised manner. That was the first thing he had said to him since they had seen each other. Jiraiya snarled at him.

"None of your business Orochimaru," he spat defensively. He knew what would happen if he had told Orochimaru he was writing. The snake ninja would probably demand to read the book and then when he suddenly did he would probably humiliate him.

Orochimaru hardened, "What are you writing about Jiraiya?" he asked a small sly grin spreading across his face, "Is it another one of your 'stories'?"

Jiraiya shot him a death glare, "Like I said dumbass," he replied coldly, "none of your business."

Orochimaru frowned. He did not like someone calling him dumb; he didn't like being referred to as an ass, so when Jiraiya said both of those things combined he suddenly grew peeved. He stood up and stretched again.

"You know Jiraiya," he answered the toad ninja unusually calmly, "I could take that from you if I wanted to."

Jiraiya looked up at the boy in hate, "I'd like to see you try," he threatened, "you're not better than me Orochimaru."

Orochimaru snickered, "Don't lie to yourself Jiraiya." He told the toad ninja, "You know as well as I know that I can take that off you without a second glance. So why don't you just give it to me."

Jiraiya knew what he was doing and looked at him darkly, "No." he said simply. Orochimaru sighed.

"I really wanted to avert to this," he said lazily. He looked at Jiraiya and then he suddenly pounced on him.

Jiraiya punched the snake ninja hard but realized that when he punched him he gave Orochimaru the chance to take the book away. As the snake ninja stammered back, with the book at hand, Jiraiya stood up.

Orochimaru was smirking at him. Jiraiya glared at him.

"Give me back the book Jiraiya." He asked sharply. Orochimaru looked the book in disgust.

"You know that this isn't even worth my time reading." He answered, "I just wanted to prove a point."

Jiraiya was pissed off, "Yeah you're right," he answered sarcastically, "I forgot you don't know what good literature is all about."

Orochimaru frowned, "Good literature?" he repeated, "Jiraiya, really? Be reasonable."

Jiraiya suddenly punched him again but Orochimaru blocked the attempt. Jiraiya suddenly hit him in the gut. The book slipped out of his hands and landed into the fire.

The book was slowly seen to turn from something solid into ashes within seconds. The pages were turned from their white colour into a yellow brown as they burned. Jiraiya turned to Orochimaru who looked un-phased.

"That wasn't a very smart thing to do Jiraiya." Orochimaru commented, "You really are an unintelligent pity case."

"You are a fucking," Jiraiya kicked Orochimaru hard which sent him stammering from the camp site into the frozen lake, "idiot!"

Orochimaru collected himself quickly and punched the toad ninja across the face, "I'm the idiot? You're the one that doesn't know simple physics. You should've known if you hit me that way what would've happened!"

Jiraiya shoved him and then kicked him again causing the snake ninja to slide across the ice a good distance away. Orochimaru got up and stood there. Jiraiya was breathing heavily from rage.

"I fucking hate you!" Jiraiya yelled, "I didn't want you to come on this mission, I wanted _anyone_ but you to come on this mission!"

Orochimaru sighed, "I really couldn't care less if you like me or not." He answered, "My feelings are mutual, and they've always been that way. And likewise about the mission. I requested another person to be assigned to it."

Jiraiya blinked, "You think I didn't ask that?" he replied sarcastically, "You're such a fucking bastard."

Orochimaru suddenly became pissed off. He knew Jiraiya knew that he hated anyone calling him that. The snake ninja never knew his father and his mother abandoned him a year before he became a genine. He felt his temper rising.

"What did you just call me?" he asked his voice rising. Jiraiya snickered.

"Oh yeah," Jiraiya replied, "I forgot. Just like me no one wanted you!"

Orochimaru felt his breathing quicken, "Shut up."

Jiraiya looked at the boy on the other side of the lake cruelly, "You're an unwanted…"

"Shut up." Orochimaru repeated.

"…unloved…" Jiraiya continued.

"I said shut up!" Orochimaru yelled

"…fucking bastard!" Jiraiya finished.

He saw the snake ninja run to him and he attempted to punch him but Jiraiya blocked it and punched him back. Orochimaru stammered again and ran towards him. Suddenly Jiraiya heard a crack. Orochimaru was there one second and gone the next.

He had fallen through the ice.

Jiraiya ran to the spot Orochimaru had fallen and bent down quickly to pull the boy up. He saw his team mate float to the surface quickly and gasp for air. The toad ninja pulled him up and carried him whilst he ran back to the camp and placed him by the fire.

Jiraiya threw a good portion of wood into the fire and then turned to his shivering team mate. As if by fate, the weather had gotten briskly colder. He placed Orochimaru close to the fire and looked at him properly.

His skin had turned from the snow white colour it was into a quick shade of cool blue. Jiraiya began to search his brain on what he remembered about survival in the cold. He knew that Orochimaru's clothes were wet and he need to take those off, but they had no blankets so he would still not be warm enough. He suddenly remembered something Tsunade told him once.

If someone was near hyperthermia, the best thing to do was share body heat. Orochimaru was turning from the cool shade of blue into a deeper colour across his face. Jiraiya got on top of him.

"W-w-w-hat ar-r-r-re you d-o-o-oin-g-g-g?" the snake ninja asked shivering as Jiraiya began to shed his clothes, "I-I-I'm-m go-o-o-ing to fre-e-eze fas-fast-ter."

Jiraiya tried to ignore the fact that even near dying Orochimaru still had enough energy to tell him he was doing something wrong. He quickly took off Orochimaru's clothes and began taking off his own just as fast.

"Body heat," Jiraiya told him, "We need to get you warmer."

Jiraiya shook of his pants and his underwear and then lay on top of Orochimaru. He gasped as his warm skin touched his team mate's icy cold skin. He then placed his clothes and laid them on top of him.

It wasn't until Jiraiya had his head on Orochimaru's chest that he realized that they were but naked and on top of each other. Jiraiya couldn't help but notice how Orochimaru's skin was so soft and how nice the contrast of his hair to his skin was. They said nothing to each other for about an hour.

Orochimaru broke the silence, "Ji-Jiraiya." he managed to say slowly. Jiraiya tilted his head to see the snake ninja as he spoke.

"Yes Orochimaru?" he asked softly, "Is something wrong?"

"I'm sorry about you-ur book-k." he answered. Jiraiya gazed into Orochimaru's golden eyes that shimmered from the light of the fire. It was now very dark. He smiled and gave a slight laugh.

"It's ok," Jiraiya said placing his head back on Orochimaru's chest. Suddenly, Orochimaru placed his hand next to his team mates and Jiraiya realized he had suddenly begun to blush. Orochimaru's cold hand lay limply on top of Jiraiya's warm one and Jiraiya felt something warm stir inside him. He didn't know what it was but something about his touch awoken something within him. The toad ninja thought it nothing but kept his hand there anyway, enjoying Orochimaru's touch. Something about it felt sacred.

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Click the damn button and go review!  
Review! ReViEw! REVIEW!  
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Jammy8694_**


	3. Hatred is blinded

**Hey everyone! This is the next chapter and I hope you al like it:)  
This one took me a while to make and was a real brain teaser;)  
Hope you enjoy it!  
_xoxo  
Jammy8694_**

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_Hatred is blind, as well as love._

_**-Oscar Wilde**_

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Orochimaru had awoken with his clothes dry and placed on him, breakfast by his side, and Jiraiya nowhere to be seen. He suddenly had grown increasingly lonesome and wondered briefly where the toad ninja had gone before shaking his head and looking at his once cobalt blue hands. He had almost died last night.

But Jiraiya had saved him.

He took a slow deep breath as the memory of last night misted its way into his thoughts. He remembered he was angry. He had hit the ice hard and one second he was running and then the next second he only remembered feeling the cold. It took him another second to realize that he was under the ice and that the painful cold was the freezing water slapping his skin like daggers being plunged into him…but then he was out. He was pulled out and gasping for warmth.

And then he was warmer by the fire but he was still so cold and then he saw Jiraiya trying to think of what to do when he saw him undress him. He thought the toad ninja was going to do something stupid but then he didn't. Orochimaru only remembered the warm heat that he was craving lay on his ice cold skin and how warm Jiraiya was. It was only after a long time that he understood what the toad ninja had done. He had pulled him out and had saved him from a quick sure death.

Jiraiya had saved him.

Orochimaru gave another suck for air. It wasn't like no one had saved him before, Jiraiya and Tsunade and Sarutobi had saved him countless times from being killed. But this time was different…Jiraiya didn't have to save him this time. But he did.

Orochimaru had then quickly eaten the sandwich and then gotten up to find out where the toad ninja was. He then came to a decision. Last night's turn of events weren't an act of kindness but something Jiraiya had to do…it was just like the other times they had saved each other from being killed.

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Jiraiya had the package that they were sent to retrieve and walked into camp expecting to find Orochimaru still asleep and recovering and about to pack up camp. So it came as a bit of a surprise when Orochimaru wasn't on the ground by the fire still asleep but was nowhere to be seen at all.

Jiraiya sighed and figured he had gone to think or do something that Orochimaru would do and started packing up camp. He began to think about the book that was now mere ashes that he had worked on for the past few months. He gave another sigh.

Yesterday he was stupid. Yesterday _Orochimaru_ was stupid. And what did they gain? He lost something he had worked hard on and Orochimaru lost his temper… which was a first since the snake ninja was always so calm. Jiraiya decided that it was all because of hormones; they were just 17 after all. They would learn to get along when they were older.

When Jiraiya had finished packing up completely Orochimaru had returned to the now barren camp. Jiraiya turned to his team mate and waited for him to say something, anything, at least a thank you for saving his ass? He said nothing; he just stared at him expressionless, his face unreadable.

Jiraiya just gave an annoyed sigh and the two when ready left for the Konah in the same silence they traveled with before. But something was different. It wasn't the uninterested silence like before…it was awkward, Jiraiya felt like he had to say something but he didn't. So they walked down to Konah just like before.

They were greeted by the Third and Tsunade outside the village's gate. Tsunade ran over and hugged the both of them tightly and Jiraiya couldn't help but blush a little when both he and Orochimaru looked at each other and then back at Tsunade. Jiraiya smiled, she had really missed them, and so had he.

"You're back!" she said in excitement, "I've been waiting for you for ages!"

Jiraiya laughed, "I didn't know you missed me that much Tsunade." He said with a smirk, "I'm sickeningly touched."

Tsunade gave him a quick death glare, "What I meant to say to _you_ Jiraiya was that I missed kicking your sorry little pansy ass whenever I had the chance."

Orochimaru snickered. Tsunade turned to the snake ninja, "I missed you too you know," she told him kindly, "Every time I asked another trainee medical ninja in the hospital about something they never knew what it was. You always helped me out that way. They were so annoying."

Orochimaru just nodded. Jiraiya knew Tsunade was trying to get the snake ninja to be in touch with his 'inner emotions' (which was like asking Jiraiya if he would like to become a fulltime nun for the rest of his life) and saw how miserably she was failing and stepped in.

"Yeah well that's Orochimaru a walking dictionary," he joked. Tsunade snarled at him. The Third came forward.

"Boys we need you to file your paperwork before it's too dark," Sarutobi told them, "Oh and did anyone get hurt?"

Tsunade and Sarutobi looked at Jiraiya waiting for him to admit he did. He sighed. Orochimaru cleared his throat.

"Yes," he said monotonously, "I fell through the ice yesterday and Jiraiya saved me before going into sever hyperthermia. I'm guessing that means you need to check that I'm functioning well, correct?"

Tsunade looked a little surprised, "_Jiraiya_ saved _you_?" she asked again, "Really?"

Jiraiya frowned, "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked feeling his ego get slightly bruised, "Are you saying I can't even save someone from hyperthermia?"

Tsunade rolled her eyes, "I'm just surprised you didn't fall in yourself." She answered evilly, "You're a bit of a klutz."

Sarutobi sighed over the now sudden bickering that he had someone convinced himself that he missed. Orochimaru sighed.

"Jiraiya's more than capable to save anyone," he told Tsunade, "including me."

Jiraiya frowned. Did Orochimaru just compliment him? Tsunade raised her eyebrow over that, usually Orochimaru remained impartial when Jiraiya and Tsunade would have their little arguments.

"In that case," Sarutobi said trying to prevent anything from starting up, "Why don't you all go to the hospital whilst I file the paper work. Starting from tomorrow you guys are entitled to one month of vacation time. You three have earned it."

Jiraiya smiled, "Yes!" he said, "Finally!"

The three of them walked to the hospital and left Sarutobi in a slight confusion. Whatever had happened with the two boys defiantly did something big to them…whether that was good or bad he still didn't know.

"You seem fine," Tsunade said to the snake ninja as she finished doing the regular checks. Orochimaru gave a bored shrug and then sighed. Tsunade turned to Jiraiya with a looking impressed.

"I have to say Jiraiya you actually did a good job this time," she said congratulating him. She then turned back to Orochimaru, "Well, I'm going to go write that you're all clear, but I'm going to prescribe you some vitamins because you look a bit paler than usual and then you two can go."

She walked out leaving the two ninja alone. Jiraiya sighed. He felt bad about what he had said, about the way he had acted, about what had happened. He had no right ticking Orochimaru off that way, hurting him in a way that was just too slimy even for the snake ninja himself. He cleared his throat.

"Hey," he said calmly to the snake ninja who was still sitting silently on the hospital bed, "I'm sorry about yesterday. About what I said."

Orochimaru just looked at him, just what Jiraiya had expected, and then turned back to sitting on the bed waiting for Tsunade. Jiraiya grunted in annoyance but then took in a breath.

"I don't hate you by the way," the toad ninja justified, "you're just…um well…"

Jiraiya sighed whilst he waited to choose his words. Orochimaru looked back unreadable. Jiraiya gulped slightly; it had gotten awkward again.

"We're just different." He tried to justify. Orochimaru looked at him long and hard. He took in a breath and was about to answer when Tsunade came in again.

"Here you go," she said giving Orochimaru a small yellow container, "Take one of theses a day until they finish. I'll see you two later. Some kid just came in and they say that he swallowed five shuriken, duty calls."

She left the room again. Jiraiya shuffled on his feet, Orochimaru's gaze back on him, and decided to turn and walk out. He stopped by the door and turned back to see the snake ninja still looking at him.

"Later." Jiraiya said before turning away and about to leave.

"Jiraiya." Orochimaru said clearly and lightly. The toad ninja turned.

Orochimaru was face to face and only inches apart. Jiraiya felt his breath catch and he looked deep into those hypnotic golden eyes watching them as they watched his dark ones. Jiraiya had lost all ability to move.

He was too close. Far too close. Painfully close.

He felt his heart rate quicken. His breathing slow down. His eyes still latched to those golden orbs. He felt him take him in, take the very sight, the very moment in by his glare and just stood there feeling afraid.

No not afraid. Intimidated.

"Yes Orochimaru?" Jiraiya asked finding his voice. Orochimaru didn't shift his gaze.

"Thank you," he said, "for saving my life."

Then Jiraiya blinked and then gazed back into his team mate's eyes. They had softened…they were no longer cold and firm…they had relaxed, making his face seem almost…human and genuine. Jiraiya couldn't help but curve the crook of his lip slightly in to a small kind smile.

"Don't thank me," he said calmly, "it was worth the risk."

He walked away and found out he had felt a bit dizzy from what had just happened. He never thought Orochimaru would have ever made him feel so suffocated. But as Jiraiya walked out of the hospital he realized that for some reason, he liked the breathless feeling he felt for that brief moment, but then quickly but not easily forgot about it, and went home to rest. He had needed it.

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**Yeah I know this chapter is short but it's an important transition of things to come promise:)  
Please REVIEW! They make me feel real special inside:)  
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Jammy8694_**


	4. What I Am When I'm With You

**OK, I know. I haven't written ANYTHING in a long period of time and there is no excuse. But TA-DA!  
Hope you all like it!  
_xoxo  
Jammy8694_  
**_**

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**__****_

I love you, not for what you are, but what I become when I am with you.

_**-Roy Croft**_

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Jiraiya woke up lazily from bed on the third week of his vacation time. As his eyes fluttered open and saw the hazy morning light coming out of his window, he smiled. He gave a stretch and groggily got out of bed and into the bathroom where he brushed his teeth and took a quick shower. There was something unusually, yet positively, special about today, and he didn't know what it was expect that it was one of those random feelings he got from time to time.

And they were never wrong.

So Jiraiya went to the kitchen to make some breakfast. He opened the cupboards and got out random pots and pans and things out of the fridge, unsure what he was going to make, and started cooking. But today was a special day.

So Jiraiya made a bunch of pancakes and waffles. He made French toast and oatmeal. He made fruit salad and fresh orange juice. In the end, it was too much food for him to eat alone. But today was a special day.

So he decided to pack all of it up and go to Tsunade's house and have a picnic. In the middle of winter. Outside.

So Jiraiya grabbed his coat and happily skipped out of his cozy apartment and jollily walked along to Tsunade's house. But today was a special day.

So he decided to walk the long, but through the pleasant and practically deserted, way across town, and through the more or less isolated apartment buildings in the area. Jiraiya didn't mind. He enjoyed strolling down the quiet streets and empty houses of the district. He stopped by a bookstore and looked around a bit before continuing and started humming to himself.

But today was a special day.

So when Orochimaru had left his apartment to go for his early morning training and spotted Jiraiya, he frowned.

There the toad ninja was, in one of the most uninhabited parts of Konah, grinning like an idiot, and humming to himself gleefully with a…picnic basket? Orochimaru blinked. What was Jiraiya up to?

Jiraiya noticed the snake ninja staring at him in what seemed like confusion and disgust. Normally the toad ninja would've snarled at him back and then disappear away, but he went up to him happily. Because today was a special day.

Orochimaru's frown deepened. There stood Jiraiya, looking ridiculously happy, holding a picnic basket. The snake ninja didn't know whether to just leave the boy on the spot or slap some sense into him. He sighed and decided on the first option.

But Jiraiya spoke before he could leave.

"Hey there Orochimaru," Jiraiya said cheerfully, "How are you today?"

Orochimaru ignored the question and looked the toad ninja up and down thoroughly, "Jiraiya what are you doing?"

Jiraiya smiled at the snake ninja, "Well," the boy started off, "I woke up and had this feeling that today was going to be a special day, so I decided to go and have a picnic. I was about to invite Tsunade to join me."

"Tsunade is with her brother today." Orochimaru stated, "It's his birthday."

Jiraiya's smile turned into sudden confusion. He quickly shook it off quickly and turned to Orochimaru. The snake ninja couldn't help but notice how his eyes sparkled in the morning light.

"Would you like to go for a picnic Orochimaru?" the toad ninja asked, "Please?"

Orochimaru blinked again in surprise. He assessed the situation long and hard. Jiraiya was standing in front of him with a picnic basket… looking ridiculously hyper and happy…and had just asked him to join him in a picnic…in the snow…now.

"Jiraiya," Orochimaru started off sounding serious, "are you on crack?"

Jiraiya laughed, "No, I'm just happy," he said chuckling, "This happens all the time. Ask Tsunade."

Orochimaru had never seen him like that before…and they had known each other for eleven years. With that heavy thought wavering around his head, Orochimaru sighed. He nodded slightly.

"Fine." He answered sounding unsure, "Where are we going to go then?"

Jiraiya smiled, his soft features warming something within Orochimaru suddenly.

"Follow me." The toad ninja ordered. Jiraiya suddenly jumped on top of the nearest rooftop and gestured Orochimaru to follow him. The snake ninja did, only to realize that the toad ninja had suddenly whizzed off to the next rooftop and then the next until suddenly he was following Jiraiya to the top of the mountain with the engraved heads of the first three Hokage. Orochimaru stopped and looked at the view.

It was beautiful.

There Konah lay, silent and peaceful covered in white. The forests looked like big mounted clouds and the mountains were big curved blankets of snow. Orochimaru was speechless. It was breath taking.

"Quiet a view right?" Jiraiya asked the snake ninja as he began taking out the blankets and food. Orochimaru turned to him and nodded.

"I've never seen anything like it." He admitted softly. He sat down by Jiraiya and looked around. They were undisturbed.

Jiraiya handed him a blanket and a cup of warm green tea, "Here," he said kindly, "it'll keep you warm."

He covered himself in the blanket and held the cup with both hands, cradling the warmth, as Jiraiya took out the rest of the food. Orochimaru secretly enjoyed the smells that were wavering in the air. Everything smelt so good, and looked all handmade…he didn't know Jiraiya could cook.

"Help yourself." Jiraiya told him as he began devouring a waffle. Orochimaru gave a slight chuckle. Jiraiya was such a goofy idiot.

"Did you make everything?" he asked in his usual monotone voice. Jiraiya laughed.

"Why?" he asked, "Afraid I'd poison you?"

Orochimaru rolled his eyes, "You can never be too careful Jiraiya," he started off, "who knows what you put in that?" he asked pointing at the pancakes.

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow jokingly. Orochimaru was being a douche as usual…but, he was just joking around. He didn't even know that Orochimaru knew what a joke was.

"Fine." he said laughing, "more for me." He was about to grab another waffle when Orochimaru beat him to it. He frowned at Orochimaru, who looked at him evilly.

"Too slow Jiraiya," he said taking a bite out of the waffle, "better luck next time."

Jiraiya laughed, "What happened to not eating?"

"I had a change of heart," Orochimaru said finishing the waffle and licking his lips, "besides, it's healthy to take risks."

"You never take risks." Jiraiya said slyly. Orochimaru shot him a death glare.

"I'm taking a risk just being here." He said, "Apparently stupid is really contagious."

"Yeah, I better watch out," Jiraiya shot back smirking, "don't want to catch anything."

Orochimaru was about to retaliate but couldn't think of anything to say. Jiraiya's smirk grew. The snake ninja was staring at him trying to find something to say with his mouth hanging.

"Whatever." he managed to say whilst grabbing another waffle, "These are very good Jiraiya, what you lack in reasoning and smarts you've somehow gained in cooking."

Jiraiya frowned, "I am too smart," he argued, "you're just jealous."

Orochimaru laughed, "Jealous?" he asked an evil smirk growing on his lips, "Of what, pray tell?"

"Of me." Jiraiya stated taking a sip of tea. Orochimaru raised an eye brow in amusement.

"Why would I be jealous of you?" he asked finishing off his second waffle. Jiraiya watched as the snake ninja chewed and swallowed his food, leaving only a small noticeable hint of powdered sugar on his lips. His eyes fell on those lips for a mere half second before darting back to the golden serpentine eyes on Orochimaru's face. He smiled.

"Well," he said playfully, "for starters, I'm fun."

Orochimaru grunted, "There's a fine line between being fun and being stupid. I don't think you know where you are on the line."

Jiraiya frowned, "Whatever Orochimaru," he said rolling his eyes, "anyway, I'm fun, I'm friendly, I'm awesome, and I'm also a hit with the ladies. Did I mention awesome?"

"Yeah a real hit," Orochimaru said, "That's because they slap you across the face a lot not because you're awesome."

Jiraiya frowned, "Oh yeah?" he answered, "I'm a bigger hit than you are. I bet you haven't been kissed by a girl before."

Orochimaru shrugged, "So?" he answered, "Have you?"

Jiraiya grunted, "Yeah, duh!"

"Your mother doesn't count." Orochimaru said calmly whilst sipping on some tea. Jiraiya turned red.

"I have too kissed a girl." He said getting all worked up. Orochimaru looked at him expressionlessly.

"Ok then." He said, "You don't have to get all touchy about it. You've kissed someone and I haven't."

The ambiance turned to a sudden awkward cold silence. Orochimaru didn't like the familiarity of the atmosphere. It felt like it had always felt…rehearsed and withholding. It was no longer comfortable.

But then Jiraiya laughed. Jiraiya, who had become lost for words was looking at the snake ninja and laughed. And it didn't sound spiteful, as Orochimaru had always known; it felt hearty and warm. Orochimaru just blinked at the boy, but suddenly, oh so suddenly, he couldn't help himself either. He lowered his cup and stared at Jiraiya in awe as he felt his pink cold lips curl into a smile.

Jiraiya, upon seeing this, looked at him and laughed louder, happier. His face glowing with delight, his body quivering with glee that he had actually lost his balance and lay on the floor laughing.

And at what he was laughing at? He wasn't even sure at all. Just that it was funny. The situation was funny. There he was, talking with Orochimaru, _Orochimaru,_ about girls! About things they would never think of saying to each other let alone actually talk about…and he just found it funny. Not in an evil way, no. In a hysterical way.

He eventually got control of himself and sat up looking at the boy beside him happily. Orochimaru was smiling. He was _smiling_. He hadn't seen him smile like that in…ever. And it made Jiraiya blink, as he found his eyes gazing on those soft and plump lips, that he shook his head and chuckled.

Orochimaru sipped some more tea. Jiraiya held his smile and sighed. He turned to his tea and took a sip.

"I lied." he said, "About before."

Orochimaru frowned, "About what?" he said his face glistening in the sunlight.

"I haven't been kissed by a girl before," Jiraiya confessed, "except for my mother."

Orochimaru smirked, "Except for your mother." It was Orochimaru who laughed last. He shook his head and finished his tea. Jiraiya smiled at him.

"Don't tell anyone ok." He told the snake ninja, "Especially Tsunade, she'd have a field day. I can imagine her now, _'You're seventeen and you've never been kissed. You stupid loser!'_"

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow, "I'm seventeen and I haven't been kissed." He repeated.

Jiraiya smiled, "Yeah, but you know," he began, "You're Orochimaru. Chicks would think it's a sexy thing with you, but with me: stupid loser."

"I don't think you're a stupid loser." Orochimaru whispered softly to himself. Jiraiya frowned.

"Sorry," he said, "I didn't catch the last part."

Orochimaru shook his head, "Nothing," he answered, "It's not important."

Jiraiya grabbed the last pancake and sighed again, "Last one," he said, "Do you want it?"

Orochimaru shook his head, "No you have it fatty." He answered smirking.

Jiraiya raised his eyebrow in offense. Fat? He wasn't fat. He took great pride in his very well built body. Short…yeah, but he still had time to grow a bit more. One day he was certain he'd be taller than Orochimaru. But fat?

Please.

"Fat?" Jiraiya repeated, "I. Am. Not. Fat."

Orochimaru shook his head, "You are telling me that all that 'weight' you are carrying with you is muscle?" he asked in his usual toneless voice, "Right, sure."

Jiraiya put the pancake down and flexed his bicep. Orochimaru yawned.

"Please Jiraiya," he said sounding bored, he had a slight thrill at pushing the toad ninja's buttons, "Don't make me laugh."

"I bet I'm stronger than you." Jiraiya said getting a bit irritable, "I bet I can kick that puny little ass of yours all the way to the other side of town and back."

Orochimaru gave an uninterested stretch and yawned again, "Now Jiraiya," he began as he got up, "we both know that's not true."

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow, "You saying I can't kick your ass Orochimaru?"

Orochimaru looked at the toad ninja and smirked, "No Jiraiya," he said as he stretched his legs a bit, "I'm saying I know you can't kick my ass."

Jiraiya stood up, "Just because I've never really done it doesn't mean it's not true," he said standing up, "There's a reason why I'm on vacation: I kick a lot of ass. Why should yours be any different?"

"Always such a poet Jiraiya," Orochimaru answered, "All talk but no walk. If you think you can _kick my ass_ then prove it."

"Always such a scientist Orochimaru," Jiraiya mocked slyly, "Always needing proof."

"Well then?" the snake ninja asked, "You're still standing here."

Jiraiya assessed the situation, "Now?" he asked looking around, "I want to catch you off guard."

Orochimaru began to chuckle, "Well if not now-"

Orochimaru was slumped on the floor on the other side of the second Hokage's rocky head. He sat up and looked at Jiraiya in annoyance. The stupid toad ninja was grinning like a mad man now. He got up and dusted off the snow on his coat.

"Now really Jiraiya," he began still dusting off the snow, "That was a bit uncalled f-"

Jiraiya threw him off the Second's head, but Orochimaru had grabbed onto the First's nose and climbed back up. Jiraiya was on the forehead laughing again. Orochimaru grunted.

He suddenly grabbed the toad ninja by the foot and pulled him off the edge and punched him to the side. He got up to find Jiraiya getting up quickly and ducked a fast left kick and blocked an oncoming right punch. Orochimaru grabbed his left wrist and pushed him onto his back and on the edge of the First's ear. He looked at Jiraiya for a sec and smirked in triumph. He then turned and walked away.

But Jiraiya was not finished.

He got up and ran towards Orochimaru and jumped onto his back. The snake ninja fell and rolled with the toad ninja on top of him. Orochimaru blinked. Jiraiya had his arms pinned to the ground and sat on top of him in victory. He grunted in success. Orochimaru frowned. He turned them both over and pinned Jiraiya down, but as well as his legs this time.

Jiraiya sighed in annoyance. Orochimaru smirked.

"Ready to call it quits now?" he asked the toad ninja underneath him. Jiraiya laughed.

"I'm no quitter." he told the snake ninja. Orochimaru raised a questioning eyebrow.

Suddenly Jiraiya pushed forward. Much to Orochimaru's surprise, Jiraiya's strength pushed him back and on the ground again. Jiraiya pushed down harder than before. Orochimaru was trapped.

"You can't runaway now." Jiraiya said playfully. Orochimaru just stared at him.

The sudden situation played back in his head differently than before. Jiraiya now lay on top of him: his whole body was pressed against him. Jiraiya's face was only inches away from Orochimaru's, his lips mere centimeters apart from his, his eyes gazing softly into his. He felt slightly dizzy…slightly nauseated, but in a good way. Like his stomach wanted to burst but not in a bad way. It was more like an energized burst that started at the pit of his stomach and was spreading all the way up his body like a burning fire. His once pale face was now bright red. He felt speechless. Thoughtless! He didn't know what to say, what to think!

But Jiraiya laughed, "Seems like someone's embarrassed." He said casually.

Embarrassed? Orochimaru's body was in the midst of what felt like internal chemical reaction failure leading to what seemed like digestive confusion and skin discolouring, and all his stupid head could think about was how close Jiraiya's lips were to his. How unbearably close he was to him…awkwardly close…too close, and whether he wanted to get closer or further apart. His head was in such a debate on his next move that he just stayed still. His breathing quickened. No wonder Jiraiya figured he was embarrassed.

"Maybe next time you'll beat me." He said sounding satisfied, "Like I said, I'm no fatty."

Orochimaru blinked. Then the argument reemerged into his memory: he had just lost. That's why his body felt strange. He never lost.

He felt like he was lying to himself but shook it off, "Whatever." He said quietly. Why was he suddenly quiet?

Then Jiraiya got off of him and, as if his body wasn't failing him enough, he felt strange. He felt relieved and…disappointed. He quickly stood up.

Jiraiya was already back at the picnic spot. Orochimaru stared at him. The toad ninja looked his way and frowned.

"What?" he asked smiling "Is Oro a bit of a sore loser?"

Oro? No one, not even his own mother, ever gave Orochimaru a nickname. And the best Jiraiya the poet and writer could think up was Oro?

"What did you just call me?" Orochimaru said in his normal tone. Jiraiya laughed.

"I called you Oro." He answered, "Isn't that your nickname?"

"No." Orochimaru told him, "I don't have a nickname." He was beside Jiraiya again.

"Well now you do." Jiraiya said packing everything up.

Orochimaru frowned, "Oro?" he repeated, "It sounds like Oreo."

Jiraiya laughed, "Yeah I guess you're right." he said placing the blankets in the basket, "You do look like an Oreo."

Orochimaru's frown deepened, "What?" he asked. Jiraiya looked at him softly.

"Black hair, white skin, black coat." He said closing the basket, "You're an Oreo."

Orochimaru looked at himself. He then turned to Jiraiya, "Whatever. I think you're wrong."

Jiraiya stood up and smirked slyly, "Whatever you say, I guess I'll just call you Oreo instead."

He began to leave. Orochimaru stared at him in awe.

What had just happened?

Then Jiraiya stopped and turned, "You coming?" he asked him. Orochimaru paused before speaking.

"No," he said, "I got to train."

Jiraiya smiled, "Well I'll see you in training tomorrow." He said, "See you later Oreo."

Orochimaru watched him leave. He then sat in the snow and went through the memory. It was so random as well as what he was feeling. But, suddenly, all he could do was smile. He was grinning like a common class idiot, and he didn't care. He didn't think that he should care. He felt indescribably and unreasonably happy, and he didn't care at all.

* * *

The next day Orochimaru and Jiraiya were waiting by the old bridge for Tsunade and the Third to arrive. They had said nothing, but stood there in what was comfortable silence. They didn't need to wait long until' Tsunade arrived.

"Sorry I'm late guys," she said catching her breath. She was holding a packet. Jiraiya smirked suddenly. Orochimaru's eyes widened.

She offered the packet to them.

"Anyone want an Oreo?" she asked politely.

Jiraiya burst into a fit of giggles and Orochimaru couldn't help himself and grinned. Tsunade beheld the strange sight in front of her and wondered if it was something she had said.

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**Ok! That was it! Next chapter will come soon promise:)  
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	5. Love is when you can be your true self

**HEY! This is the next chapter:) Hope you like it:)  
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_Jammy8694_**

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_**Love is when you can be your true self with someone, and you only want to be your true self because of them. **_

_**-Terri Guillemets**_

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Orochimaru dumped his sore and aching body slowly into his small comfortable bed. The hot water bottle that he had slung only moments ago was suddenly thrusted into his arms and curled closely next to his body, in hope of grasping the much needed warmth that was lacking in the cold night. He sighed. It had been a long day…no it had been a long mission.

He turned wrapping his black duvet tightly. He wasn't cold. He knew he wasn't cold. He just needed the reassurance, the feeling that he was being held and comforted. The idea that right now at this very moment he wasn't alone or by himself. That something, anything, was soothing him from the pain. The pain that had been reawakened from the mission he had just completed.

The mission that was haunting him at that moment in time.

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut in annoyance. He was a ninja, not just any ninja, he was Orochimaru. He didn't allow himself to feel like this after a mission…to feel like anything really. But he shook his head. No…he _had_ to be human, _had_ to have those troublesome feelings and _had_ to be upset right now. Because what he had just witnessed was _inhuman_…was the shrill reminder of how _frail_ humanity was…how far people would go before they lost themselves that title of _human_. How far ninja had to go to _force_ themselves not to care.

How much of a _child_ he still was, even if he did try to deny it.

He sighed again and turned to his side. He opened his eyes halfway and ducked his head forward, again trying to steal some more warmth and lose the stupid pain inside of him. His mind only drifted back to the last couple of days.

Orochimaru sat up and grunted. No matter how much he tried to deny it he was still a child. A child that was not loved and only wanted to be loved in return.

* * *

Orochimaru had walked in to the office of the Third Hokage casually as the snake ninja always did. Just as he suspected he was the first to arrive and sighed. His teammates were never punctual. He looked over and saw his sensei resting comfortably on his chair by his desk reading what seemed like mission details. He was frowning.

"_Ah Orochimaru," he said leaning forward slightly, "Your teammates have not arrived just yet."_

_The snake ninja said nothing in response. He didn't have to. Sarutobi was far too consumed with his Hokage duties. He didn't have to wait long. Tsunade had arrived only mere seconds later. _

"_Sarutobi sensei." She greeted respectably. She turned to the snake ninja, "Orochimaru."_

_Orochimaru didn't even look at Tsunade. Why would he? He grunted in impatience. Where was that no-good-for nothing toad ninja Jiraiya?_

"_Welcome Tsunade," Sarutobi said placing the file lightly on his desk, "I suspect you haven't seen Jiraiya yet?"_

_Tsunade shook her head, "You know him," she said, "Probably still sleeping."_

_Sarutobi sighed, "Ah well," he said sounding slightly annoyed, "at least he isn't causing any trou-"_

_Jiraiya burst in and tripped on the edge of the carpet falling face first on the floor. Everyone just sighed. Orochimaru smirked. Leave it to Jiraiya to make an entrance._

_The toad ninja got up and dusted himself off whilst trying to catch his breath, "Sorry I'm late," he said panting, "I thought it was Saturday."_

_Orochimaru frowned. How could he think it was Saturday? It was Wednesday, the middle of the week! Sarutobi sighed again._

"_Never mind Jiraiya," he said, "You're not that late…this time."_

_Tsunade snickered, giving Jiraiya a mocking look and the toad ninja returned the gesture with an unimpressed glare. Orochimaru shook his head as he saw this. Jiraiya turned to the snake ninja, still panting, and gave him a sly smile. Orochimaru rolled his eyes…it was easier to do than resist the urge to smile back. _

"_Oh," Sarutobi started, "It's a fairly straight-forward mission. An orphanage just outside the village has stated that several of their children have gone missing. You're job is to find out why the children are missing, put a stop to the disappearances, and then bring them back to the orphanages. Simple high class B rank/low class A rank mission. Got it?"_

"_Wait so a bunch of orphanages are missing?" Jiraiya repeated, "How long has this been going on for?"_

_Sarutobi gave a slight stretch, "It's been a couple of weeks since the first disappearance. A boy about eight maybe nine was the first to have been pronounced missing after a school trip ice skating. The last disappearance was yesterday at about noon and the child was last seen in the orphanage/school building."_

"_And how old are these kids?" Tsunade asked._

"_They're about three to eleven years old." Sarutobi stated, "Basically there have been too many disappearances for them to all been coincidental. All the children are younger than you and some of them too young to have gone off voluntarily. It is most likely they were kidnapped."_

_Orochimaru nodded, "Is that all?"_

_Sarutobi stood up and smiled. He liked seeing his team motivated, "Almost," he answered, "since this mission involves children the head of the orphanage would like you to bring the children back as quickly and as safely as possible. She's worried about them."_

"_Sure," Jiraiya said cheerfully, "We'll get them home before anything bad happens to them. I Promise."_

* * *

Jiraiya turned to his side. He couldn't sleep. He felt like he betrayed Sarutobi sensei, the orphanage, the lovely orphanage head, and, most importantly, he felt like he betrayed himself. He didn't live up to his promise. He hadn't kept them safe.

But then again, how could he have? It was already too late to save them.

He sat up and heard the sudden burst of thunder coming from outside. It was raining…it was too cold outside for it to snow. He let his hand rest on the palm of his head.

He was exhausted and yet, he couldn't sleep. He felt the fatigue being pumped all around his body through his blood stream and all he wanted to do was rest his head, and, for a few moments, just forget about the world. Forget about how complicated life was. Forget about how complicated the absence of a life was.

How none of those children would ever be loved. How they would never find a place to call home. How they were all lonely and yearned to be wanted and now they could never have that.

How they were all dead.

And most importantly: how he had no choice but to kill them.

* * *

"_Please," the orphanage head begged the three ninja, "Just get them home."_

_It was almost three in the afternoon and already the team had guessed the most likely place for the kidnapped children to be. Jiraiya smiled kindly to the woman, she had been so nice to them. Tsunade nodded and patted the lady gently on the back._

"_They'll be back before dinner." She reassured her, "Don't worry."_

_Jiraiya turned to find Orochimaru outside the office. He was leaning against the whitewashed halls of the orphanage with his head bent down and his arms crossed firmly against his chest. Jiraiya frowned. Something was wrong…even for Orochimaru; he didn't look very 'impressed'._

_Jiraiya walked out of the office and leaned against the wall besides the snake ninja, leaving Tsunade to calm and comfort the now crying woman. He sighed. Orochimaru didn't look up but tilted his head ever so slightly towards the toad ninja._

"_What's up?" Jiraiya asked. Orochimaru said nothing. He just turned his head down and stared at the floor. He was not in a talking mood._

_Jiraiya rolled his eyes, "Fine don't tell me." He said sounding a bit annoyed, "I was trying to make you feel better so you don't look like someone just died. God Orochimaru, this is not the time for you to go on one of your random mood swings."_

_Orochimaru's head shot upwards, "_Random_ mood swings?" he repeated his voice audibly laced with venom. Before he could retaliate Tsunade came and looked at the two of them. She sighed._

"_We better go." She said, "If we don't find those kids soon, I'm afraid she might have a heart attack."_

"_Then what are you two waiting for?" Orochimaru said sounding a bit pissed off, "We wasted enough time in this place already."_

_He walked off and Tsunade quickly trailed behind him. Jiraiya frowned. Something was wrong with his friend. Something he knew Orochimaru wouldn't allow him to find out._

* * *

Orochimaru shivered. He grabbed the duvet and wrapped around even tighter than before. He felt like he was about to explode.

He had no right to act that way…he just wanted to leave that place. He wanted Jiraiya to leave him alone. It wasn't fair. Jiraiya wasn't being fair.

But who was he kidding?

He was the one that snapped at him when he was trying to comfort him. He was the one that pushed him away.

Orochimaru just didn't want to be back in another orphanage…back in a place where there were children like him. Alone. He was a special case. Most of the children there were there because they're parents were dead. He was forced to stay there because his mother didn't want him. And then when they tried to find his father, they found out he had died…and very soon after, so did his mother too. They're parents were gone because they didn't live, didn't have a choice…his mother did. And her choice was she didn't want her pale three year old boy.

Three years in a place where people lived and grew…where you're friends were your family.

Orochimaru had no friends.

Orochimaru had no family.

The snake ninja threw the duvet on the floor and pushed away the water bottle. He put on a shirt and grabbed his weapons belt. He opened the window and ran into the rain.

He had to do something to forget the pain. He had to let it out. He had to do something meaningful.

Otherwise…why was he even alive?

* * *

_This was _**not**_ what they had expected. They expected a bunch of scared children, all of them in tears…maybe a few who had obviously wet themselves with fright. But not this._

"_What the fuck?" Jiraiya couldn't believe his eyes. They were…dead._

_Tsunade stood there in absolute shock. Orochimaru couldn't move._

_Jiraiya ran towards one of them. _

_That's when they attacked. Suddenly, out of nowhere, they all got up and came forward to Jiraiya. They weren't children anymore. They were monsters. They're eyes were blood shot red, they're mouths foamed with yellow liquid (so corrosive it burnt their own flesh), they're skin became ghostly pale…almost making Orochimaru look like he had a tan. They were distorted. They were ugly. They were dead. They were monsters._

_But still…underneath all of this, they all saw the broken faces of the children._

_Jiraiya tried to move out of the way. He couldn't hurt them. He couldn't kill them. But then one lunged there grotesquely pointed teeth at him. Orochimaru took out a kunai and hit the child straight through the head. It went limp. It had truly died._

_Jiraiya came next to the ninja that saved his life and turned to Tsunade. They knew what they had to do. They had to kill each and every one of those innocent children, those children that had their whole lives ahead of themselves, and then explain to the nice kind old women…that they had failed. _

_It was the ninja thing to do._

* * *

Jiraiya felt ill. He opened his window for some air. He frowned.

There running down the deserted streets of Konah, was Orochimaru, and even through the thick rain…he knew he looked upset.

Jiraiya sighed. He didn't want him to do anything stupid.

He grabbed a jacket and a shirt and jumped out of the window and into the storm. His friend was in trouble and he needed to help him.

* * *

_They had finished the deed. And as if to make matters even worse…the children had returned back to their original form. Tsunade fell on her knees. There right in front of her was a four year old dead girl. Her blond locks drenched in dirt and blood. Her blue eyes lifeless in a pained stare. She couldn't control herself._

_She cried._

_Jiraiya and Orochimaru knew it took a lot to make Tsunade cry. She was strong and fearless. She was the one that made the team work together._

_And there she was…crying._

_Jiraiya looked at the snake ninja and then walked towards the crying girl on the ground. He knelt besides her and held her closely to him. She put her tearstained head in the crook of his neck as Jiraiya hushed her softly. _

_And then something unexplainable happened to Orochimaru. He felt something in his heart pain uncontrollably…pain that was suddenly unbearable. Pain that was getting him weak in the knees and making his vision blur._

_He stood there and watched Jiraiya comfort Tsunade for a good ten minutes. He felt her pain go away whilst his kept getting bigger and bigger. He wanted his pain to go away. He wanted to feel comforted. He wanted to feel loved._

_Just like the dead children that now lay on the ground._

_He said nothing from that point until they had to explain the situation back to Sarutobi. But even then…he didn't speak. He was too afraid he might've broken down and explained how much he wanted Jiraiya to hold him back there too._

* * *

Orochimaru had gone insane. He was in the Konah training grounds and was now hitting this one tree with all his might and energy. He was angry. He was upset. He was in emotional turmoil. He was acting like the pissed off seventeen year old boy he didn't act like. He was mad. He hit the tree harder and harder. Shouting at it. Yelling at it. Screaming at it. He didn't know why he was doing it but it helped.

He was so angry that he didn't see Jiraiya come and see this. The toad ninja stood there in awe. He had never seen Orochimaru lose his cool like this before. There the snake ninja was, covered in mud and drenched in the rain and actually demolishing the tree he was hitting. Jiraiya couldn't stand seeing him that way.

"Orochimaru!" he yelled under the impact of the loud rain.

Orochimaru didn't listen. He just kept going.

"OROCHIMARU!" Jiraiya yelled louder. Still nothing. The toad ninja braced himself.

Suddenly Orochimaru found himself to a halt. He looked up and saw Jiraiya holding firmly both his hands and placing them well above his head. The snake ninja realized he wasn't breathing.

And then Jiraiya let go of him. He watched his hands fall back to his sides and then saw the toad ninja come closer to the snake ninja and wrapped his big strong arms around him.

Orochimaru allowed himself to fall to the ground. He knew Jiraiya would not let him fall and found himself kneeling as the toad ninja petted his wet head and stroking his long hair whilst Orochimaru's head pressed gently against the toad ninja's chest. Orochimaru didn't know what to do. He didn't want to seem weak. He tried explaining himself.

"I was like them." He answered Jiraiya's internal questions, "No one wanted me."

Jiraiya hushed him, "I know." He said, "I know."

"I didn't know what I did wrong?" Orochimaru whispered loud enough for the other boy to hear, "I wanted to know what was wrong with me? Why she didn't want me? What I had done wrong?"

Jiraiya hushed him again, "You've done nothing wrong Orochimaru," he answered the pale boy, "You're perfect. And if she couldn't see that then it was her loss."

Perfect? Orochimaru frowned. He felt perfectly stupid right now. He wanted to run and hide and never come out…but he couldn't help himself when he found his hands wrapping themselves around Jiraiya's waist. He felt special at that moment.

He felt like he was wanted. And he didn't want to be let go. For the first time in his life, Orochimaru felt wanted just for being himself.

* * *

**AWWWWW:)  
Ok so I hope you enjoyed it and please review:)))  
xoxo  
_Jammy8694_**


	6. Author's note

**Author's note**:

Hey guys, I'm sorry but lately I've been to busy to udate any of my stories due to a LOT of exam revision. But, I just wanted to say that now I really want to start betaing other people's stories so if you're in need of a beta PM me. I will be updating soon but right now it would be nice to try something new as well:)

_**xoxo**_  
_**Jammy8694**_


	7. Love is an Act of Endless Forgiveness

**She's BACK!  
Yeah I know it's been...months...and I haven't updated anything since what I consider eons ago...BUT I'M BACK!  
Actually, this chapter's been ready since Easter...  
It was orginally supposed to be longer, but I sort of decided to not suspend this story and continue it!  
And with a twist my dear readers! I am now completly going to change my original plot line! Or stick to it with a few new ideas, I haven't really decided, but the most imporant thing you guys must know is I'm back! And I'm back for blood, so Review my pretties, review this story to your hearts desire, because I have a goal of at least 50 reviews to beat. I want to have at least 50 when I end this thing, and trust me...  
We're still at the beginning...  
Enjoy!  
_xoxo  
Jammy8694_**

* * *

_**Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.  
Peter Ustinov**_

* * *

Heat.

Sweat.

Orochimaru groaned as he tilted his head back in pleasure.

Grunts.

Thrusts.

He dug his fingers deeply into the other boy's back.

Moans.

Friction.

He felt his toes curl as the larger man pressed against him making him quiver in pure ecstasy.

Pleasure.

Contact.

Orochimaru couldn't help himself but moan; if he didn't let it all out he was sure he wasn't going to last any longer.

Groans.

Ecstasy.

The pressure was building too quickly and too strongly.

"Orochimaru," the man panted, "I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm not going to last anymore."

Enjoyment.

Thrill.

Orochimaru gave a large pleased sigh as he felt his lover orgasm whilst he continued to thrust inside him. Orochimaru's stomach tightened and he felt himself go over the edge.

Bliss.

Orochimaru slummed himself on top of his lover. He rested his head on the crook of his neck.

Satisfaction.

He smiled as he felt himself begin to fall asleep. He whispered his name in pure gratified happiness.

"Jiraiya."

Orochimaru opened his eyes in shock. He looked around the bedroom, sat up right on the bed and took in a breath. He sighed.

It had all been a dream.

Orochimaru lay back down on his bed and hit his head against the palm of his hand. He felt un-rested and to make matters worse, he had the most painful erection he'd ever experienced. He grunted.

He was right, he was gay.

But that wasn't the problem. He always knew he was gay. Women were too high maintenance and he always found the masculinity of the human male to be a more attractive than the human female. So the fact that he was having a wet dream about being severely pleased by another man was not the issue. The issue was who was pleasing the snake ninja…and that boy was Jiraiya.

Orochimaru sighed again. Just thinking about Jiraiya was off limits after that night he had comforted him in the rain. Nothing happened, they had just stayed there holding each other in silence for about a half hour and then the toad ninja walked the snake ninja home. Orochimaru had never been so embarrassed in his entire life, and the more embarrassing thing was the fact that the next day Jiraiya said nothing about it to him. It was like the night had never happened.

Which Orochimaru was glad about in a way…but he wondered why the boy didn't confront him about it. Orochimaru glanced down at the problem between his legs. He was thinking a bit too much about Jiraiya these days.

But this was the first time that he had thought about him that way.

Orochimaru grunted in annoyance, got out of his bed, and marched into his bathroom. He turned the shower on to the coldest it could be and got out of his clothes. He stepped in forcing himself to bear with cold.

He looked down at his still erect member in frustration. He shook his head. No he wasn't going to masturbate, he was a ninja and as a ninja he was in charge of controlling his body…including his bodily urges. He just needed to relax.

He needed to stop thinking about his dream.

He needed to stop thinking about how good the dream Jiraiya made him feel.

He needed to stop thinking about the fact that when he did just tell himself to stop thinking about the dream Jiraiya he inwardly smirked.

He needed to stop thinking about Jiraiya in general.

Orochimaru shut his eyes and sighed. He was going to be in that shower for a while.

Jiraiya walked merrily towards the training grounds. Today was a good day. But today wasn't just any random good day.

Today was Jiraiya's 18th birthday.

And he and Tsunade had both planned to go out with their other 18 year old ninja friends and get, in the teenage way of phrasing it, completely and absolutely fucking wasted that they would wake up feeling like they were put in a blender and poured onto a spiked floor. And he would be lying if he told anyone that he wasn't excited. Jiraiya had waited 18 whole years to try alcohol and he was going to have fun tonight. Even if it meant drinking all of Konah's liquor, he was going to experience getting drunk and he was going to have a good night. He could feel it in his bones. Besides…

You only turn 18 once.

Jiraiya sat on the ground as he happily got ready for his intense training. He smirked as he got out the present Tsunade gave him: a brand new watch, her funny way of helping him keep his timing. He raised his eyebrow in anticipation for tonight once again. Tonight he was going to try and get with her, the girl he had had a crush on for the last eleven years. He knew she liked him despite the constant bickering, she told him a couple of times, not in an obvious way of course, hell, it was like solving an encrypted riddle, but he knew. And tonight, well…

He was going to show the girl of his dreams how he really felt about her.

"Nice watch."

Jiraiya looked up and his smugness turned into embarrassment. Orochimaru looked at him softly as he set his bag down beside the toad ninja and began to stretch. Jiraiya had forgotten that they usually train around the same time today. Despite it never really being a problem, they never really spoke when they were training and after the whole 'rain' incident it had gotten a bit awkward between them.

"Thanks." Jiraiya said quietly. Orochimaru loosened his shoulders and sat down. He rummaged through his bag and grabbed his training gear. Jiraiya just looked at him.

No happy birthday? No 'Don't get drunk off you're first shot of sake stupid' in that usual monotonous voice? No sarcastic pun about being one year older but not another year wiser?

Orochimaru continued to get ready as Jiraiya continued to stare at him. The snake ninja looked up and frowned.

"Is there something you wish to discuss with me Jiraiya?" he began giving one last stretch, "Or are you just staring at me because you're thinking really hard?"

Jiraiya grunted, "Do you know what the date is today Orochimaru?" he asked standing up. Orochimaru stood up and then grabbed one last thing off his bag.

"The 15th," Orochimaru said grabbing his things and walking to his usual training spot.

Jiraiya just stood there as the boy he had known for the last eleven years walk away not realizing the importance of what today was to him. He then grew slightly peeved.

"It's my fucking birthday damn it."

Jiraiya only realized that he had said that after he actually said it. The snake ninja stop and stood on the spot, not turning his back to face the toad ninja. Jiraiya regretted it all ready; they'd known each other for eleven year and it they both knew that they only really met each other…hell, Jiraiya only knew when Orochimaru's birthday was because every year Tsunade would get the snake ninja a present…and he still wouldn't do anything for him…

Orochimaru turned his head slightly, "Happy birthday Jiraiya." He said in his usual toneless voice.

And he continued to walk away. Jiraiya stared at him until he was out of sight wishing that he wasn't such an idiot. Orochimaru probably never had anyone (except for Tsunade…which didn't really count) who probably even remembered his birthday let alone wished him. Why did he have to be such a stupid dick at times?

Orochimaru gave a slight yawn as he slumped himself on the ground after a long day's training. He stretched and titled his tired head upwards to the setting sun and smirked to himself over how beautiful it was. Especially after a long and good training session like the one he had for today.

He then decided tonight he was going to have a slow evening. He was going to enjoy himself, something he never done, and he was going to relax. He felt like a bit of an asshole because he forgot Jiraiya's birthday…

But, he felt strangely good about it. He felt good about it and he decided to do something very unlike him and celebrate for his horribleness. Because Orochimaru deserved to commemorate his nastiness.

He laughed. Who was he kidding? He was tired and a little under the weather and the only way he thought he could make himself feel better was by doing the old fashioned teenage thing of brooding by eating chocolate and watching movies. Even he had to admit that even he needed sometime to himself and that was exactly what he was going to do.

He quickly got up and got his things and walked to the store to buy himself a mountain full of food and a couple of long and cheesy movies with crap story lines and shitty actors. He got in the store took a handful of packets and junk food and was about to pay when something caught his eye.

It wasn't just anything though. It was a plain blue thick note book with a small brown bracelet with a bead attached to the button of the book. It was simple, subtle, small…but somehow, it was perfect for him.

That is…if he wanted to get Jiraiya a present. Which he didn't…not one bit.

Orochimaru paid the cashier and marched back to his house, got into his pajama sweats and shirt, took his blanket and put the first movie on. He needed to stop thinking about Jiraiya. He was just too tired to care right now; he just wanted time for himself.

One and a quarter hours past midnight Jiraiya was feeling pretty good. Well…sort of good. No he didn't know how he felt. He looked around and remembered his situation…vaguely.

There sat in a sandbox beside him, giggling like an idiot, was Tsunade, the two of them isolated together in a deserted children's playground. Jiraiya smirked smugly and came closer to his friend.

Tsunade laughed a bit more and copied him until they were centimeters apart. Jiraiya laughed this time.

"You're pretty." He said stupidly. Tsunade snorted a bit with some more useless laughter.

"You know what we should try," she said started to say, "you and me should hook up."

Bingo. That's what he wanted to hear. Jiraiya giggled.

"Then kiss me." He said. Tsunade nodded. Jiraiya stood very still and closed his eyes as she came forward. It was about to happen. Everything he read about: fireworks exploding, the world slowing around you, stars in your eyes, he was going to experience all of it now.

It was sloppy. He frowned slightly as Tsunade slightly ate at his face and he just sat here mindlessly and waiting for the feelings to come. Then it was wet…and she smelt like sake…stale sake. It wasn't a nice smell. Then she pulled away smiling.

"Bet you liked that baby." She stated looking at Jiraiya. She started giggling again. The toad ninja opened his eyes and frowned.

"No," he said slurring slightly, "That was shit."

Tsunade stopped giggling and frowned, "Shit!"

Jiraiya stood up and wobbled a bit as he nodded, "Shit. You're a crappy kisser."

He then blinked to find Tsunade stood up and then he felt pain. He staggered back. She had punched him.

"Hey!" he yelled a little too loudly, "That hurt bitch." He then sighed. Tsunade was passed out in the sandbox.

Jiraiya looked around again. How did they end up from the bar next to his house to a sandbox in the most deserted part of Konah? He scratched his head and walked dizzily on the empty street. He looked at his watch.

1:16 in the morning. He didn't know where he was. And he wasn't having a good time.

He then smiled suddenly. He did know where he was. Orochimaru's apartment was a few blocks away. And he felt really bad for being such a douche to him. He wanted to apologize.

Jiraiya walked off and left Tsunade in the sandbox.

Orochimaru finally managed to get to sleep when he heard a loud bump. He shot up and grabbed the large shuriken from under his bed and went behind the corner. It was like a reflex action now. He had been attacked too many times in his sleep that it was instinct to do that. He waited. Nothing.

Another bang. Orochimaru frowned. It was coming from the door? Who would want to talk to him at this hour of the night?

"Oreo!" Jiraiya's voice sang, "Oro, wakey wakey!"

Jiraiya? Orochimaru slapped himself hard on the face. The pain reassured him that he wasn't having another weird dream again.

"Orochimaru!" Jiraiya said giggling, "I know you're awake!"

Orochimaru put the shuriken back and walked to his door in confusion. He opened it slightly.

There Jiraiya was, a bad gash on the top of his eye, and smirking like a drunken idiot. Orochimaru sighed.

"What?" he asked him wanting to go back to sleep. He didn't have time to deal with a drunken asshole.

"I wanted to tell you something," He said smiling. Orochimaru opened the door wider waiting for what the toad ninja had to say.

"I'm really sorry that I was such a douche," he started off, slurring a bit of his words in the process, "I get it if you didn't know when my birthday is, fuck I don't know when your birthday is. And all I wanted was for you to seem like you care about me-"

"Jiraiya," Orochimaru said nicely, "It's fine."

"No!" Jiraiya said firmly, "It's not fine. I know you don't think that you're my friend but I'm your friend and…"

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow at the sudden stop. Jiraiya leaned against the wall and began breathing heavily.

"Jiraiya?" Orochimaru asked now stepping outside and placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. Jiraiya looked at the snake ninja for a second. He couldn't help but notice how beautiful Orochimaru looked in this light. And then he suddenly bent his head down and threw up on himself and on Orochimaru's sweat pants.

Orochimaru didn't look down. He knew that the heart to heart moment was ruined and that if he looked down now that it would be ruined further. He sighed trying to forget the smell and helped Jiraiya into his apartment. He dragged him to his bathroom and placed him nicely on the floor.

"Orochimaru I think I'm going to be sick again." The toad ninja said as he lay next to the toilet. Orochimaru grunted and placed Jiraiya by the toilet whilst he hurled everywhere…but the toilet itself. The snake ninja was cursing to himself. He now had to clean the sick outside and the sick in here, as well as look after Jiraiya. Great.

Orochimaru turned the shower on and brought two pairs of his sweats and a shirt, and placed them away from the toad ninja, just in case he threw up again. He then looked at Jiraiya and then at the shower. Even better…now he was going to strip and shower the guy he had been dreaming about last night.

"Jiraiya," Orochimaru said trying to remain sane, "Can you undress yourself?"

The toad ninja nodded but fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. Orochimaru sighed and stubbornly kneeled down to help him. The faster this was over with the less awkward it would be.

Jiraiya watched the snake ninja as the long pale fingers expertly unbutton the shirt and gently swiped it off him, whilst the same hands suddenly rid him of his trousers and underwear. Jiraiya giggled. He just found something rather funny with the thought of Orochimaru undressing him whilst he was piss-ass drunk. Probably because it was one of those situations that you needed to see to believe.

"You're never going to let me live this down." He said as he watched the sick covered snake ninja open the shower door. Orochimaru didn't look at him as he spoke.

"What makes you say that?" he said turning the shower on. Jiriaya just smiled.

"Because," he started, "It's you. It's so typical. I'm here, drunk and embarrassed, covered in puke, sitting naked on your bathroom floor, whilst you be the hero of the night and help me out."

Orochimaru frowned at the comment, "Would you rather me not helping you." He asked tonelessly. Jiraiya shook his head.

"No," he said, "I want you to help me. But I know you're going to tease me about it until I die."

Orochimaru smiled to himself as he checked the temperature of the water, "An eye for an eye."

Jiraiya frowned in confusion, he felt a little light headed, probably from throwing up, but he did feel a little better, "What do you mean?"

Orochimaru turned to Jiraiya fully now and began helping him up, "You're the one that saved me from the ice and then you're the one that helped me calm down during that storm," he said quietly, "I'm not going to tease you because you had a good time on your birthday."

Jiraiya slumped himself on the shower floor and grunted, "I had a crappy time."

Orochimaru, who was somehow managed not to get wet, began to carefully soap the toad ninja, "I'm sorry to hear that. " he said trying not to think about what he was doing, " I'm sure it wasn't really that bad."

Jiraiya forced a laugh, "It was fine," he said secretly enjoying Orochimaru's soft skin soaping him. He knew he had sobered enough to do it himself but he didn't say anything about it. He sighed, "Well, that was until Tsunade kissed me."

Orochimaru was putting the soap back when it slipped out of his hands and hit the shower floor. He quickly regained his composure and got to rinsing Jiraiya.

"You," he started off unsurely, "You kissed Tsunade."

He wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement, but the snake ninja had to make sure that it was what the toad ninja had said.

Jiraiya nodded, "Yeah," he said yawning a bit, "that was a big mistake."

Orochimaru couldn't help but smirk at the comment, "It was a mistake." He said turning the shower off and wrapping a clean towel on Jiraiya.

"Yeah," the toad ninja said, "there weren't any fireworks. Not even a little spark. It was a bit…disgusting."

Orochimaru dried off his friend trying to force himself not to look so happy. He forced a concerned frown.

"No fireworks?" he repeated, "Sounds awful." He stated his voice like silk. He clothed Jiraiya and helped him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Jiriaya slumped himself on the bed.

Jiraiya had then passed out completely on the snake ninja's bed. Orochimaru sighed before heading back to the shower and smirking to himself. He didn't want to admit it, but right now, he was the happiest guy in the world…and he didn't know why.

* * *

**Now you know what to do,  
Hit the damn button and go review!  
REVIEW MY PRETTIES! REVIEW LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!  
I _will_ update sooner than the last time;)  
Which I doubt will be hard to do...  
_xoxo  
Jammy8694_**


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